So, my father's day started at 5.20am, when Cherub decided that we all needed to be told that he needed to go to the bathroom.
My personal view here is that he can manage this activty perfectly well all by himself and my company is not required, particularly not, and let's be really clear about this, at 5.20 a-freaking-m.
I have a plan. Next father's day, we are skipping the presents. Instead, my boys are going to let me sleep past 7.30am for the first time in SEVEN VERY LONG YEARS.
When I set up this blog, I really didn't think the web address would still be relevant three years later.
Still, it's hard to be too grumpy when we spent the extra hours we had together this morning building a train out of lego-type blocks for Bundle's favourite cuddly toy to ride in, and the quiet morning was filled with cries of "Here come the wuffy train".
On the off chance that any guy with kids other than me ever reads this, HAPPY FATHERS DAY!
Sunday, 5 September 2010
Tuesday, 22 June 2010
And that makes 11
So, what happens when:
1. One of your children is learning to read, and the other is yet to do so, and
2. Someone told them that the Bible is a source of some sort of authority?
You get to hear one of them saying this.
Bundle: No, Cherub, look, I'll show you. See here in the Bible, on page one, it says......
[wait for it]
.
"People should not make those silly noises"
1. One of your children is learning to read, and the other is yet to do so, and
2. Someone told them that the Bible is a source of some sort of authority?
You get to hear one of them saying this.
Bundle: No, Cherub, look, I'll show you. See here in the Bible, on page one, it says......
[wait for it]
.
"People should not make those silly noises"
Thursday, 17 June 2010
And I'm still not sure what was so upsetting about Rock & Roller Cola Wars...
Do you ever wonder what the kids get up to when you're at work?
Today's answer is that Cherub spent the morning breathing fire. First he ate some fire, then he breathed out, then there was fire all over the floor, but "luckily mum cleaned it up". Fortunately, even though he was standing on the carpet, that didn't get fired.
Bundle, who was at school while all this was going on, wasn't entirely sure that he should believe Cherub's account, so he asked a few questions. This went on for so long that I went and found a pen and started taking notes.
Bundle: You weren't really breathing fire, were you?
Cherub: Yes, I was. I'm telling the truth.
Bundle: How did you eat the fire?
Cherub: Well, first I got some fire from a dragon, then I ate it, and then I breathed it out.
Bundle: Well there are no dragons around here, so I don't believe you.
Cherub: Actually, I got it from a firefly.
Bundle: No. Fireflies only come out at night. They do not come out during the day.
Cherub: Well, this one did. Then it passed the fire on to a frog, and the frog passed it on to me, and I ate it.
Bundle: No, I don't believe you. I do NOT believe you.
Cherub: Well, that was just a conversation about fire that we had to have.
Bundle: No, I do not believe you. I do not.
Cherub: Okay, well, of course, I was tricking about the firefly and the frog. But I found some fire on the ground by myself. Well actually it was on the floor in the house, which isn't good.
They are in bed now, but I suspect that if I went upstairs, I would find that this conversation was still going.
Today's answer is that Cherub spent the morning breathing fire. First he ate some fire, then he breathed out, then there was fire all over the floor, but "luckily mum cleaned it up". Fortunately, even though he was standing on the carpet, that didn't get fired.
Bundle, who was at school while all this was going on, wasn't entirely sure that he should believe Cherub's account, so he asked a few questions. This went on for so long that I went and found a pen and started taking notes.
Bundle: You weren't really breathing fire, were you?
Cherub: Yes, I was. I'm telling the truth.
Bundle: How did you eat the fire?
Cherub: Well, first I got some fire from a dragon, then I ate it, and then I breathed it out.
Bundle: Well there are no dragons around here, so I don't believe you.
Cherub: Actually, I got it from a firefly.
Bundle: No. Fireflies only come out at night. They do not come out during the day.
Cherub: Well, this one did. Then it passed the fire on to a frog, and the frog passed it on to me, and I ate it.
Bundle: No, I don't believe you. I do NOT believe you.
Cherub: Well, that was just a conversation about fire that we had to have.
Bundle: No, I do not believe you. I do not.
Cherub: Okay, well, of course, I was tricking about the firefly and the frog. But I found some fire on the ground by myself. Well actually it was on the floor in the house, which isn't good.
They are in bed now, but I suspect that if I went upstairs, I would find that this conversation was still going.
Tuesday, 1 June 2010
Just like my actual musical career, only with more heckling
INC: You drive me cra-a-azy, I just can't sleep...
Bundle: Daddy, why are you singing?
INC: You know, some days I just can't help it.
Bundle: Oh yes. You can. You can help it.
INC: Okay, look, you're in luck. Today is one of the days when I can help it
Bundle: Oh. No. You can ALWAYS help it.
INC: Okay, so, I'm just going to sing in the car on the way to work today. That way, no one will hear me
Bundle: YOU BETTER NOT WIND DOWN YOUR WINDOW
Does anyone else think he's trying to tell me something?
Bundle: Daddy, why are you singing?
INC: You know, some days I just can't help it.
Bundle: Oh yes. You can. You can help it.
INC: Okay, look, you're in luck. Today is one of the days when I can help it
Bundle: Oh. No. You can ALWAYS help it.
INC: Okay, so, I'm just going to sing in the car on the way to work today. That way, no one will hear me
Bundle: YOU BETTER NOT WIND DOWN YOUR WINDOW
Does anyone else think he's trying to tell me something?
Monday, 5 April 2010
Nobody said it was easy/ No one ever said it would be this hard
So, having covered history with Cherub, we now turn to science with Bundle.
Two quick facts:
1. It is very hot on the sun. But you won't burn your feet so long as you wear shoes.
2. Rocks don't burn, unless they are in a volcano. That only happens when the volcano is interrupting.
Two quick facts:
1. It is very hot on the sun. But you won't burn your feet so long as you wear shoes.
2. Rocks don't burn, unless they are in a volcano. That only happens when the volcano is interrupting.
Tuesday, 12 January 2010
But they don't believe me when I tell them we didn't have a computer
Cherub has, for no reason I can fathom, recently become obsessed with what used to happen in "the olden days". Some three year olds might ask an older person. Cherub has the much better plan of just informing us, from memory.
Here's a few of the interesting facts I have learned so far:
1. They used to fill up their houses with milk
2. Cherub was turned into a mouse called Jerry. So was everyone else. The only way to work out who was who was to look at which house a person was living in. Then Cherub moved houses and it got confusing
3. They didn't eat lamb
4. They used to have carrot races. The carrots were big enough to sit in and had wheels. They went very fast, particularly if they had rocket boosters.
5. I wasn't born yet. Neither was Bundle. Only Cherub was, that's why he knows all this stuff.
6. Sometimes the food that a person was eating would turn into a sword and they would go "ouch ouch ouch".
There will be more. I'm just going to add them as I learn them.
I have carefully advised Bundle, who starts school in a few weeks, that a teacher may at some stage ask the class if anyone knows about the olden days. If this happens, his answer should really really not be based on anything he has learned from his brother.
Here's a few of the interesting facts I have learned so far:
1. They used to fill up their houses with milk
2. Cherub was turned into a mouse called Jerry. So was everyone else. The only way to work out who was who was to look at which house a person was living in. Then Cherub moved houses and it got confusing
3. They didn't eat lamb
4. They used to have carrot races. The carrots were big enough to sit in and had wheels. They went very fast, particularly if they had rocket boosters.
5. I wasn't born yet. Neither was Bundle. Only Cherub was, that's why he knows all this stuff.
6. Sometimes the food that a person was eating would turn into a sword and they would go "ouch ouch ouch".
There will be more. I'm just going to add them as I learn them.
I have carefully advised Bundle, who starts school in a few weeks, that a teacher may at some stage ask the class if anyone knows about the olden days. If this happens, his answer should really really not be based on anything he has learned from his brother.
Tuesday, 17 November 2009
Mon chérubin hilarant
My boys are going through a phase. For about the last 6 months. Every night when they hear me coming through the front door they abandon their dinner and hide under the kitchen table.
They know that I know where they are.
They jump out and say "boo" anyway, and laugh when I pretend to freak out.
Last night, we had a variation on this when young Cherub decided to stay under the table for as long as possible.
It went like this:
INC: Where's Cherub gone?
Cherub (from under the table): You have to guess where I am.
INC: Okay. Are you in Japan?
Cherub (from under the table): No
INC: Are you in America?
Cherub (from under the table): No
INC: Are you under the table and you need to come up and eat your dinner right now?
Cherub (from under the table): No
INC: I think you are.
Cherub (from under the table): You have to ask if I'm in France.
INC: Okay [small sigh] Are you in France?
Cherub (from under the table): NO!
They know that I know where they are.
They jump out and say "boo" anyway, and laugh when I pretend to freak out.
Last night, we had a variation on this when young Cherub decided to stay under the table for as long as possible.
It went like this:
INC: Where's Cherub gone?
Cherub (from under the table): You have to guess where I am.
INC: Okay. Are you in Japan?
Cherub (from under the table): No
INC: Are you in America?
Cherub (from under the table): No
INC: Are you under the table and you need to come up and eat your dinner right now?
Cherub (from under the table): No
INC: I think you are.
Cherub (from under the table): You have to ask if I'm in France.
INC: Okay [small sigh] Are you in France?
Cherub (from under the table): NO!
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